Unless you live in a totally homogeneous compound, your child associates with kids from the wide spectrum of socio-economic backgrounds we have in this country. Certainly at my daughter’s elementary school, affluence, poverty and everything in between merge–and sometimes collide.
While not a concern for preschoolers, it’s not long before children become aware of economic differences. The signs: Clothes sport designer labels or they look old and unfashionable; accessories and apparatuses such as cell phones and hand-held video games appear in the pockets of some but not others; parents pull up in shiny new cars and SUVs or they drive rickety beaters–if they have vehicles at all.
And then there are the play dates and sleepovers. If he or she has not yet taken note of the variety of living standards in their community, a visit to someone else’s home will surely remove their blinders. Yes, some will live in familiar digs, but in other homes, everything from size, furniture, appliances and neighborhood will shout either “shabby” or “chic.” What do your kids do and feel when they notice? They can get hurt or hurt someone else. Teach them how to combat needless jealousy or harmful judgment from an early age.
The Rich Friend
Ah, envy. What parent hasn’t heard the “why does he have [fill in the blank] and I don’t” type questions? It’s difficult for kids to come to terms with the fact that some households are cushier than their own. Heck, it’s hard for many grown-ups to accept.
So discuss values: That having more stuff does not indicate that they are worthier humans, or even that they’re necessarily happier. Also stress that other people’s finances are not only private and personal, but that unless you’re privy to their bank balance, it’s impossible to know someone else’s true wealth. Owning objects is meaningless; that family could be knee deep in debt for all you know. Not that you want them to be, just that it’s wise to not speculate.
The Poor Friend
This is a tough one, Mom and Dad. The last thing you want is for your child to feel superior to anyone because you might possess more money and material things than their parents. Neither do you want them to feel and express pity, because no one–child or adult–wants to be the recipient of that painful emotion. Compassion? Tact? Appreciation? Absolutely.
Get it through your kid’s head now that they are lucky to have been born to you, someone who can provide for their essential and discretionary needs. But are they better than a friend who is not so fortunate? Nope. Not one iota.
What’s critical to convey is that children should never be defined by their parent’s financial circumstances. There simply are no rich or poor kids–it’s the parents who are one or the other. As youngsters, they have their entire lives before them to learn, earn, save and spend, and they will. Oh, and don’t neglect to teach about perspective. Because the truth is, what’s destitute to one is luxurious to another.
