True Budget: Money Tips from Vampires

When you want guidance on money and finance, you’re probably used to consulting famous financial experts, blogs like Go Banking Rates and even friends and family. All good ideas, but when’s the last time you asked a vampire for advice?

Now you’re probably wondering why in the world you’d ever look to a vampire to learn anything about money and finances. Hey, you might be surprised by the number of financial tips you could gain from our Twilight friends from the dark dominion.

1.  You Could Save on Mirrors and Updating your Furniture

We all know that vampires have no reflections and thus cannot see themselves when looking in the mirror. This is the perfect way to save! Nothing says saving like keeping hand, armoire, bathroom, hall and closet mirrors at the store where they belong. Cha-ching!

If you’ve watched enough vampire movies or TV shows, you’ll know that most vampires don’t their home décor that often. Vintage chic is the way to go.

2.  Sticking to One Food Group Makes Saving a Cinch

Can you imagine how much money you could save if your body only required one meal a day?

Lucky for vampires, their bloodthirsty appetite makes it easy for them to save on the starches, veggies, fruits, proteins and everything else we get from the grocery store. Not to mention that drinking the blood of an unsuspecting human helps you create even more bloodthirsty cost savers – like free clothes or maybe a wallet full of cash (not that we endorse drinking of human blood….or stealing from the dead.)

Even “vegetarians” like Twilight’s Cullen family don’t go to the store. We’re pretty sure their fridge is empty, if it’s even plugged in. (Learn how to save money on your household expenses.)

3.  A Makeshift Morgue Is Much Cheaper Than a Mortgage

Living in a grave or vampire’s lair offers amazing savings opportunities. You don’t have to finance a home because you simply find a spot and claim it. Who’s going to dispute it but other vampires? Not to mention you can save on everything that goes into furnishing, repairing and even insuring the house.

You don’t have to worry about yard upkeep. You don’t even need blankets and towels. All you need is a cold, dark space to keep you happy. Living arrangements don’t get much cheaper than this.

4. Late Night-Only Excursions Could Save a Ton of Money

Being afraid of the sunlight, vampires make it easy to save money on all sorts of things. Think about it. You would never need to purchase sunglasses, sun block or any other eye or skin protection. There would no need to spend money on vacations to the ocean with its blinding sunrays. And there definitely would be no need to spend money at the tanning salon since your skin would be acceptably pale.

Living a vampire life sounds more attractive all the time! Well, that’s as long as you don’t get caught in the sun. (Learn how non-vampires can plan for vacations.)

5. Not Growing Old Means Not Buying New Clothes

If you were bitten as a teenager, jump for joy. No more growth spurts, no Freshmen 15. You’re a lithe size 6 or 30 waist forever. Think about it: trends cycle quickly and what was once out will be in again in 10 or so years.

Why go shopping at a vintage store when you’ve got your own closet?

6. Living Forever Doesn’t Necessarily Guarantee You Riches

The idea of living forever can sound pretty darn exciting, especially when you think of the endless opportunities there are to get rich. But even if you’re a vampire with the gift of eternal life, there’s no guarantee that you’ll be rich if you don’t know how to manage your money.

Look at Sophie-Ann, the vampire queen in HBO’s True Blood. Maybe she should spend less on a lavish home and attendants, and put a little of her wealth into savings.

That’s why paying attention to savings tips is important. If you make a bad investment, or spend money without making a budget, you can pretty much expect to live a long eternal life with nothing more than your grave and the moonlight to keep you company.