4 Ways To Prevent Your Partner’s Financial Secrets From Derailing Your Retirement

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Financial infidelity can take a major toll on any relationship — and it’s more common than you might think. According to a recent WalletHub survey, 58% of Americans admit to concealing financial matters. In addition, the survey found that 77% more men than women have financial secrets, so if you are in a heterosexual relationship, you are more at risk.

Not only can financial secrets mean a breach of trust, but they can also have major consequences on your own financial health. In this “Financially Savvy Female” column, we’re chatting with Leslie Thompson, chief investment officer and co-founder at Spectrum Wealth Management, and Abigail Gunderson, CFP, senior wealth advisor at Tanglewood Total Wealth Management, about how financial secrets can impact your retirement plans and ways you can protect your nest egg.

How Your Partner’s Financial Secrets Can Derail Your Retirement Plans

When you’re in a committed relationship, retirement planning should be a shared goal.

“Financial secrets — whether hidden debts, overspending or undisclosed accounts — can completely throw those plans off track,” Gunderson said. “If one partner isn’t saving or is secretly spending beyond their means, it can create a shortfall that delays retirement or forces you to compromise your future lifestyle.”

If your partner has debts you are unaware of, for example, this could derail your retirement plans.

“Not being aware of debt, especially if it’s a joint debt that you may be responsible for at some point in the future, can completely derail any efforts that you’ve made in terms of savings or maintaining a good credit score,” Thompson said.

Ways You Can Protect Yourself and Your Financial Future

Although you may not be able to control all of your partner’s financial behaviors, there are ways for you to protect your future finances.

Have Your Own Retirement Accounts

One of the best ways to protect your retirement funds is to utilize your own retirement savings accounts.

“For women especially, prioritizing individual financial security is key,” Gunderson said. “Fund your own retirement accounts, like a 401(k), even if you’re saving as a couple. Life is unpredictable, and having your own financial safety net ensures you’re protected, no matter what happens. Similarly, maintaining a career or income of your own — regardless of your partner’s success — can provide long-term security, independence and a sense of accomplishment.”

Thompson notes that money saved in a 401(k) or IRA in your name can’t be touched by your partner, even if you are married.

“Retirement accounts are secure,” she said. “Your partner can’t access it, so it’s not like it’s a joint account.”

Ask for Transparency

“The best way to protect yourself financially is through transparency and taking control of what you can,” Gunderson said. “Start by sharing account visibility with your partner using tools like eMoney, Mint or Empower. These platforms allow you to see everything in one place — savings, credit cards and spending habits — so there’s no room for surprises. If one partner hesitates to share access, it may be a red flag worth addressing.”

For added transparency, consider reviewing your credit reports together.

“A credit report lists all open accounts and debts, so it’s a practical way to ensure you’re both aligned on where things stand,” Gunderson said.

It can also help you catch signs of financial infidelity.

“See if any credit cards were opened in your name,” Thompson said. “That does happen, where one spouse opens an account for themselves, but they make the other spouse an interested party. Then they’re both liable for that [line of credit], even though the other spouse may not be aware of it.”

Thompson said tax time is a particularly good opportunity to review your finances together.

“If both people are signing on a joint return, they both need to understand what they’re signing,” she said. “They need to understand where all their income’s coming from. And that also just provides a good time to understand what the marital balance sheet or marital network statement looks like.”

Be a Part of Your Family’s Financial Planning

Don’t leave financial planning solely to your partner.

“It’s essential for both partners to stay engaged in financial planning,” Gunderson said. “If you work with a wealth advisor, make sure both of you attend meetings and understand your overall goals, even if one person handles the day-to-day finances.”

You should also communicate regularly about financial goals.

“Have honest conversations: How much are we putting toward retirement? Are we meeting our goals?” Gunderson said. “If something doesn’t feel right, ask questions.”

Get a Divorce

While it might be a last resort, getting a divorce will make your finances separate from your partner’s.

“The worst case is divorce,” Thompson said, “but maybe it’s best case if you’re really trying to protect yourself, and you’ve gone through steps to work through things collectively on financial matters, and it’s just not going in the direction that it needs to go.”

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