‘My Ex Ruined My Credit. What Do I Do?’ — a Money Expert Weighs In
Written by
Laura Bogart
Edited by
Kristen Mae
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When John Lyly first coined the famous phrase “all’s fair in love and war,” he couldn’t have conceived of credit card debt (the year was 1578, after all). But love was anything but financially fair to GOBankingRates reader Dana, who at age 54 has virtually no credit history — except for one credit card her ex-boyfriend maxed out and never paid.
Understandably angry about the situation, Dana didn’t pay the balance either. For more than 30 years, she let the debt linger and did nothing else to actively build her credit. This decision unfortunately left her with no established credit — and a lingering negative mark — driving her credit score into the 500s. While GOBankingRates can’t un-break her heart (to paraphrase Toni Braxton), we can help her un-break her finances.
We reached out to D’Andre Clayton, co-founder of Clayton Financial Solutions, to explain what Dana should do next — and what anyone in a similar situation needs to know.
1. Realize That Credit Invisibility Won’t Save You
Clayton first acknowledges that Dana’s situation is sadly all too common — and he’s not just talking about the terrible ex. Many consumers believe that having no credit is the same as having good credit.
“But credit isn’t a measure of morality; it’s a reporting system,” Clayton said. “Avoiding debt isn’t good. If you aren’t actively participating in the system, you leave it with nothing to work with. The priority is clarity and sequencing.”
Dana’s first step is to confirm what’s actually appearing on her credit report. From there, she can address any remaining damage and intentionally rebuild her credit before adding new activity.
Clayton says sequencing matters because fixing the wrong thing first can stall progress.
“I had a client who met me when she was 49 and in a similar situation,” he said. “We got her out of it with proper sequencing, and meaningful improvement happened in two years. Not only did her credit become markedly better, but she was also able to purchase two tiny homes and put them on her lot, increasing her cash flow by $2,200.”
2. Verify the Debt Before You Pay a Dollar
Dana might assume that making payments is the fastest way to clear her credit, but Clayton urges caution. If the account is truly more than 30 years old, it is almost certainly past the statute of limitations for collection.
“Paying blindly could actually draw attention to a debt that is no longer under real scrutiny,” he said. “You may re-age the debt and harm your score. Don’t make any moves before finding out for sure whether the debt is causing a negative mark on your credit report.”
He suggests Dana pull her complete credit report from AnnualCreditReport.com and review key details for each item, including:
- Date of first delinquency
- Current status (open, closed, charged off or in collections)
- Account age
“These items are the bottom line of how you prioritize your attack,” Clayton said. “You need to know these things before making payments to determine whether paying will help, hurt or do nothing at all.”
3. Try Strategic Debt Resolution
If Dana learns that her debt is in collections, Clayton recommends negotiating before making a single payment.
“Seek a pay-for-delete agreement in writing. But if deletion isn’t on the table, negotiate a lump-sum settlement rather than a payment plan,” he said.
Any agreement should be documented in writing before money changes hands. Without written confirmation, payments may reduce a balance but leave the negative mark in place.
4. Rebuild Credit With Structure and Discipline
While love is the domain of the heart, repairing Dana’s credit will require applying her mind. Clayton says following clear, tangible steps is the smartest way to rebuild credit.
Her first task? Opening one or two tradelines, such as a secured credit card and a small credit-builder loan through a local credit union.
“Next, make sure utilization never goes beyond 10% to 30%,” he said. “Automate every payment and pay the full balance. Human error and the sentimentality of money are the biggest enemies of forward progress with credit.”
Consistency matters more than volume. One or two well-managed accounts can outperform several poorly handled ones.
5. Learn From Your Mistakes
Dana has been through the ringer romantically, but Clayton says she can learn from what she endured. Most important: Avoid commingling credit with a partner — especially while rebuilding.
Clayton believes that within six to 12 months of clean payment history, Dana could see her credit score exceed 650. But she must remember to separate her relationships from her credit identity.
“No matter how close your friendships or relationships feel, every person should have at least one active credit card in their own name,” he said. “Understand that credit invisibility is never good.”
The Bottom Line
Heartbreak is nearly universal, but poor credit doesn’t have to be. Just as Dana picked up the pieces of her broken heart, she can rebuild her credit by following Clayton’s advice.
“Maintaining a low-balance, well-managed account is a form of financial insurance,” Clayton said. “It gives you the ability to be taken seriously in the American financial system.”
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