Cutting Expenses in Retirement: 8 Ways To Say No to Financial Requests
Written by
Angela Mae
Edited by
Amber Barkley
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It’s not easy to say no to financial requests from the people in your life, but it might be necessary — especially if you’re retired and on a fixed income. After all, you’ve worked hard to get to where you are, and it’s important to prioritize your own financial well-being — and that of your household.
But how can you say no in an unflinching manner that doesn’t come across as rude or penny-pinching or make you feel guilty about turning down a friend or family member in need? Here are a few ways.
Be Direct, Be Transparent
Talking about your financial situation might not be your favorite pastime, but it’s worth being direct and transparent with the people in your life.
“When responding to requests for money or invitations to spend what you are not comfortable with, it is best to be clear and direct,” said Stephen Kates, CFP, principal financial analyst for Annuity.org. “Saying something like ‘That isn’t in our budget’ may be all you need to say. For people that you trust, outline your own financial goals and provide the context on why certain limits exist.”
But try to avoid saying things that indicate you might be willing to lend or spend money in the future.
“Phrases like ‘We can’t right now’ or ‘We’ve already made donations this year’ may only kick the can down the road and encourage someone to come back another time,” said Kates. “If you truly can’t today but intend to help later, then explain that. However, if you want to shut the door to a certain person or request, then being brief and firm is important.”
Set Clear Boundaries
You may need to create and maintain some financial boundaries — ones you’re comfortable with and that keep your own finances on track. But do this as soon as possible to avoid giving them the wrong idea.
“You have to set clear boundaries around financial requests,” said Scott Neu, a financial advisor at Reinke Gray Wealth Management. “Let your loved ones know what they can ask for and what’s off-limits. Setting these boundaries upfront can prevent awkward or uncomfortable situations in the future, as they will likely happen again.”
Be candid about your boundaries, too. Tell the person making the request that you’re on a fixed income and need to be frugal or handle other financial responsibilities — like loan payments, property tax payments or even everyday expenses. If they’re not understanding of your situation, or if they’re pushy, at least you can say you’ve tried and be firmer with your “no” later on.
Offer Non-Financial Means of Support
If someone you know is asking for money, try to find an alternative method of helping them out.
“Instead of providing financial assistance, offer alternative forms of support that may be helpful,” said Neu. “This could include helping them brainstorm solutions to their financial problems, providing emotional support or encouragement, or even assisting with tasks or services that don’t involve money.”
For example, you could offer to help with their budget or to keep track of their finances. Or you could suggest an affordable agency that provides that sort of financial help. Whatever the case may be, making the offer shows you care but that you simply aren’t in a position to give monetary support.
Wait To Respond
If you’re not totally sure what you want to do, or whether agreeing to a financial request is the best idea, give yourself time to reflect on it.
“Sometimes this is the best way to reply. Say something like: ‘Let me see what my budget looks like, and I’ll get back to you.’ This gives you the time to think about your response and to craft a refusal ever so politely,” said Erika Kullberg, an attorney, personal finance expert and founder of Erika.com.
Engage In a Broader Discussion
People can be persistent, so if you’ve said no and it hasn’t worked, you might need to change your tactics.
“If requests continue to come or certain individuals are repeatedly approaching you for help with money, then a broader financial discussion may be necessary to understand their own situation and help guide them towards other options for financial support,” said Kates.
Having such a discussion can also help everybody get on the same page and prevent further conflict or confusion about what’s acceptable and what’s not.
Suggest Financial Education
You might want to help out your loved ones every now and again, but it could turn into a pattern that hurts your own financial stability.
“Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your own needs and say no to requests that could jeopardize your financial security,” said Neu. “If you notice a pattern of [someone] repeatedly asking for the same thing, look into suggesting financial education resources or workshops to help your family and friends improve their financial literacy and manage their money more effectively.”
Be Consistent
If you haven’t consistently said no to someone, you might want to make that change.
“Be consistent in your responses,” said Kullberg. “If you say no and then give in, you teach others that your no might not be final after all. If you’re consistent, you teach them a different lesson; you’ll be more likely to be respected, and your boundaries will be less likely to be tested again.”
Just Say No
You don’t need a reason that you can’t agree to a financial request. If you don’t feel comfortable with it, or if you simply don’t want to offer help, that’s OK. Simply say no to the person asking you.
It might be stressful or tricky at first, but once you do it, you’re bound to feel better about it. Plus, it’ll be easier to say no to future requests from other people.
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