I’m a Financial Advisor: Here Are Tips on How To Deal With the Financial and Emotional Impact of Aging Parents

Eda Hoyman / Getty Images/iStockphoto

Commitment to Our Readers

GOBankingRates' editorial team is committed to bringing you unbiased reviews and information. We use data-driven methodologies to evaluate financial products and services - our reviews and ratings are not influenced by advertisers. You can read more about our editorial guidelines and our products and services review methodology.

20 Years
Helping You Live Richer

Reviewed
by Experts

Trusted by
Millions of Readers

The quiet shift is subtle initially: A parent requesting their adult child run errands they have historically managed independently. It looks like unplanned trips to the grocery store or to pick up prescriptions. Perhaps, the parent needs the child to accompany them to their next doctor’s visit, simply stop by the house to read mail the parent cannot understand. 

The ‘asks’ standing alone appear to be innocent, quite unassuming because it’s your parent or adult family member. Yet these simple asks rarely decrease. They accelerate over time as a parent’s health begins to deteriorate or aging begins to impact their overall standard of living. When the roles and responsibilities begin to change, families must address the reality that adult children eventually become responsible for managing and caring for their parents substantively. It is a natural life progression and it’s something that should not be ignored.

After all, the shift has a real emotional and economic impact.

Aging in America can be quite daunting based solely on the design of our healthcare system which doesn’t consider the unique challenges that seniors face on a fixed income. A married couple can find support caring for each other, but over time that option begins to wane as well. That is when aging adults seek the support of their children, extended families, and close acquaintances.

Have Difficult Discussions

Who will become the primary caregiver when a senior is most vulnerable? Putting that question with the adamant stance of most seniors who have no desire to live in a retirement community, let alone a nursing home can be a difficult discussion. Due to seniors being on a fixed income, most do not consider the economic cost associated with caretaking nor the financial drain it can be on their children. Many parents have a natural expectation that they will be cared for when the time arises.  Since it is expected, it is rarely discussed.  That decision to ignore reality can cause great anxiety and stress within the nuclear family dynamics. 

Build Systems To Work Out Conflict

How does one minimize the conflicts that will emerge when difficult, yet frank discussions must take place to provide comfortability for aging adults? The truth is that parents bear the burden to voice their expectations and to acknowledge the reality they need the support of their children. The assumption that children owe their parents the sacrifice of time is unfair and can cause economic hardship as they are making efforts to become financially free while fulfilling their life purpose. 

AARP breaks down its economic impact. In the Valuing the Invaluable series, the care provided by unpaid family caregivers was valued at $600 billion in 2021. If the burden of caregiving falls on the adult child, their ability to thrive in their vocational arena is impacted. They may not have the capacity to pursue company advancement, individual goals, and personal dreams. All those aspirations can get lost.  That doesn’t even account for the quality time and attention their own families require. 

What must take place is a clear definition of measurable expectations that address both the physical and financial health of the aging adult. It requires honest assessment so that all options can be explored. When someone cannot perform two of six activities of daily living, (bathing, dressing, toileting, getting in and out of the bed or a chair, eating, and the ability to control bowel and bladder movements), help is needed. 

Be Transparent

The aging adult has a responsibility to remain transparent to minimize the anxiety and risk of their loved ones and allow them to make the necessary adjustments for work and life balance. Seniors must understand they need to share information that may be uncomfortable to have a foundation of understanding with their caregivers. Transparency with the primary caregiver is critical so that the caregiver can advocate on their behalf. Also, caregivers must have the chance to manage their time effectively and determine financially what level of economic risk they are undertaking. Both parties have to work together to make these difficult decisions more manageable.

Always Discuss Money

Finally, the money conversation must be addressed. Why? The quality of care that can be granted is predicated upon your previous level of preparation.

If aging occurs, one has more time. However, if an unanticipated illness strikes and the caregiver has no idea about your needs and resources, your quality of care is uncertain. To the aging adults, the best way to address this shift is to critically reflect on your overall health and financial foundation. Begin to answer the questions of how you desire to age and set up the plans to address that desire. Everyone working together is the most excellent way to preserve relationships and navigate family finances together.

Editor’s note: Dr. Nicole B. Simpson is a dedicated certified financial planner board member of the CFP Board Center for Financial Planning Diversity Advisory Group and Chair of the Generation X Community Association.

Share This Article: