4 Ways To Achieve Financial Security as a Couple
Written by
Cynthia Measom
Edited by
Amber Barkley
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Every couple handles finances differently, but as major milestones like moving in together, getting married or buying a home come into play, it’s important to think about how well your financial goals align.
Jack Howard, head of money wellness at Ally, recommended these strategies to help couples communicate about money, build financial stability and plan for the future together.
Create a Safe Space To Discuss Emotions and Finances
“The vulnerability you find in these conversations will help you discuss money as a team and decide on the best path forward,” Howard explained. “Be open and honest about where you’ve been financially and where you stand now. This will help you and your partner better understand each other’s relationship with money.”
She said the more transparency you have around money, the less room there will be for financial tension or resentment.
“Remember, it’s never too late to start having open conversations about money,” she added.
Talk With Your Partner About Your Past Money Memories
Howard said talking about past money memories should be done sooner than later.
“It may feel awkward at first, but financial conversations are vital to healthy relationships,” she explained.
She suggested aligning your priorities, values and budgets first, then getting into the harder topics, like your debts and credit scores.
“Restate what you hear and be open to corrections by using the phrase, ‘What I hear you saying is … is that correct?'” she said. “It’s hard to hear new ideas when we are expecting something else. Continue the conversation with ‘I statements’ and rephrase what you hear until both people feel heard and you have an action plan.”
If couples leave this area unaddressed, Howard said, money trauma and harmful financial habits can surface without warning and sometimes lead to financial infidelity — when one partner conceals or misleads the other about financial matters. This can include making major purchases in secret, lying about spending, hiding debt or keeping undisclosed bank accounts or balances.
Understand Both of Your Money Stories Before Making Decisions
Howard said the spending, saving and investing decisions you make today are influenced by your earliest experiences with money — also known as a “money story.”
“In a relationship, your money story and attitude toward finances may conflict with your partner’s,” she explained. “If you and your partner disagree on certain money decisions, make sure you are asking each other to explain the ‘why’ behind a preferred approach.
“This will help to understand your partner’s money values, and it opens the door to having conversations about how you can support each other while fostering joy and navigating finances together.”
Howard recommended Money Roots, a free, interactive financial wellness program that’s shame-free and grounded in empathy, for people who have a hard time communicating their money values or want to more successfully navigate finances with a partner.
“These virtual, interactive workshops guide participants through difficult, vulnerable financial conversations and help people rewrite their money story and habits,” she explained. “Anyone can participate at their own pace and in any order.”
Create a Values-Based Spending and Savings Plan
“This strategy allows you to align spending and saving on the things that best reflect your values,” said Howard. “The major areas should include your fixed expenses, variable expenses, savings — emergency and retirement — as well as splurges. Making space for all areas while reflecting on your values helps you spend and save with clarity.”
Howard added that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to finances. However, she said that creating a values-based spending and savings plan with your partner removes the pressure to spend on things that don’t hold value and allows you to identify the purchases and experiences that bring you joy.
“Whether you’re saving, spending or paying down debt, money decisions should reflect your collective goals,” she said.
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