Here’s Why ‘Financial Discipline’ Won’t Solve Your Holiday Money Stress — and What Will
Written by
Laura Bogart
Edited by
Kristen Mae
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While some people treat the first playing of “Jingle Bells” like a starting gun announcing they’re off to the holiday-spending races, you pride yourself on discipline. No way you’re overspending.
But when discipline becomes restriction, it often becomes untenable — increasing money stress and making you more likely to break your budget and spiral into overspending. So what actually works? If anyone would know, it’s Dana Miranda, a Certified Educator in Personal Finance, creator of the Healthy Rich newsletter and author of “You Don’t Need a Budget: Stop Worrying about Debt, Spend without Shame, and Manage Money with Ease.”
Her core message? “You can’t discipline yourself out of an oppressive system; trying to do that only adds stress and shame to your life,” Miranda said. And breaking out of expectations around holiday traditions and money is a good place to start.
When Discipline Leads to Overindulgence
Miranda likens the same restrict-and-binge cycle that affects holiday dieters to the way many approach holiday spending.
Think of those Christmas cookies filling your kitchen with the scent of chocolatey perfection. You can tell yourself that you won’t touch any this week. You’re going to be good. And you are! You manage to make it through a week of steamed broccoli and boiled chicken while the siren call of sugar cookies taunts you. But a week later? You don’t just have one — you eat half the tray.
Money habits can be very similar. You go low- or no-spend one week. Then the next week, either out of necessity — because you still need groceries — or a sense of victory for coming in under budget, you overspend. This isn’t just Miranda’s personal observation; she points to data from the Association for Consumer Research that supports her point.
“Researchers found the net effect was no significant difference in overall spending and that budgeters were no more likely than non-budgeters to reach financial goals,” she said.
Excessive Discipline Creates Real Pain
When Miranda talks to everyday people who’ve tried to follow the conventional wisdom that they must stick to a strict budget, they tell her that the effort itself becomes stressful. Every purchase feels like a test — and holiday spending is no exception.
Again, research into spending and budgeting from the Association for Consumer Research bears out her point. The group’s findings around Black Friday spending suggest that setting a rigid budget doesn’t keep shoppers from spending more.
“Setting a strict budget increases what researchers called ‘pain of paying,’ which makes spending less enjoyable — but instead of discouraging you from spending, this ‘pain’ discourages you from sticking with the budget,” Miranda said.
What To Do Instead
If white-knuckling your budget won’t help you reduce your holiday spending, what will? Miranda recommends a combination of understanding the expectations of the season, creating new traditions that de-prioritize spending, and, when appropriate, using credit responsibly.
Acknowledge the Pressure To Spend
If there’s one thing everyone experiences around the holidays — other than pressure to avoid a co-worker’s fruitcake — it’s the expectation to spend money. Fighting that expectation can create cycles of restriction and overindulgence, with a not-so-healthy dash of self-recrimination tossed in.
“Trying to restrict your holiday spending only adds one more thing to your ticker of to-dos during this already stressful season, and it gives you one more thing to judge yourself about,” Miranda said.
Propose a No-Gift Holiday or Set Spending Limits
How many times have you and your loved ones said something like, “You don’t have to get me anything — just being together is enough,” only to turn around and load up your Amazon carts anyway? What if, for once, you all actually meant it?
Miranda recommends proposing a low-gift or no-gift holiday, or at least firmly capping the amount you’re allowed to spend to reduce both financial strain and emotional pressure.
“Communicate with family and friends to develop holiday traditions that let you enjoy the season and have time together without hiking expenses for everyone,” she said.
Use Credit Responsibly — Without Shame
Let’s be honest: For many households, you’re simply going to spend more in the holiday season than you normally would. If that happens, Miranda says there’s no shame in exploring options like credit or loans, since these resources can help you spread out costs over the next several months. The key is to do it with intention.
“Debt products are perfectly legitimate resources to help you through moments exactly like this in a culture that expects you to spend money,” she said. “Using them isn’t a sign of your failure to manage money the ‘right’ way.”
That said, use credit with eyes wide open. Make a plan to pay it off once the season is over, and if managing debt has been a struggle in the past, choose a different strategy. Remember, the love behind a gift is what matters — not its price tag. Don’t wreck your finances trying to deck the halls.
Putting a Bow on It
The pressure to spend big during the holidays is real. So is the temptation to respond with extreme discipline. But research — and real-life experience — show that restriction tends to backfire. Your best bet is a balanced approach: Avoid punishing yourself, be as responsible as you can, and come up with some new low- or no-cost traditions that reflect your true values. Do that, and you could have a very merry holiday season indeed.
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