7 Tips to Support Aging Family Members When You Live Far Away — Without Going Broke

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According to a recent survey by Choice Mutual, one in three Americans lives more than 100 miles away from their parents. When it comes to caregiving duties for elderly parents, 70% noted that the biggest concern was the emotional toll and burnout.

It’s also worth noting that for 67.59% of Americans, the next most significant concern is financial strain, as the idea of financially supporting parents can be stressful. 

How can you help your parents financially as they age without putting too much strain on your own bank account? Here are seven tips from the experts to ensure that you don’t go broke and burn out in the process of caring for your elderly parents who live far away.

Have An Honest Conversation with Your Parents Early On

“The first step is to have a conversation on the topic with your parents,” said Chad Gammon, a CFP and the owner of Custom Fit Financial. “That way, you’re on the same page with your parents on any expectations or responsibilities.”

You want to have crucial discussions with your parents early on in the process so that you’re not on different pages when it comes to expectations. 

The Choice Mutual piece also mentioned that even though discussing finances can be challenging, it’s encouraged that you do so before your parents have their ability to make decisions hindered by cognitive or physical factors. 

Stoy Hall, a CFP and founder of Black Mammoth, recommends starting with transparency instead of making assumptions. He stressed that you don’t want to wait until a health crisis forces you to have this discussion. 

Here are some of the subjects you’ll want to discuss with your parents: 

• How much savings do they have?
• If they have any debt. 
• Policies and pensions that you should know about. 
• Their bills and how they’re being managed. 

Hopefully, your parents are willing to share financial information so that you can stay informed. If you’re overwhelmed, you can also work with a financial professional who will help you make sense of everything. 

Set Clear Boundaries

Gammon advises setting boundaries and ensuring that you don’t entangle your finances. You want to set clear boundaries early on so that your parents don’t try to ask you to co-sign a loan or to open up a joint bank account. 

Hall added, “You’ve got your own bills, your own kids maybe, and your own retirement goals. So set the boundaries now.”

Agreeing to help financially with everything can be overwhelming and may lead to future resentment. If you live far away, you may also want to set boundaries on visitations and how often you can make it down. 

Automate the Essentials Where You Can

The Choice Mutual report found that approximately half of Americans are concerned about how providing elderly care duties could affect their careers and work-life balance. Kelsey Simasko, an attorney at Simasko Law, urges that you become as tech-savvy as possible if you’re caring for parents who live far away. If you’re managing someone’s finances from miles away, you’ll want to be comfortable emailing, scanning documents and using online banking tools. 

Here are a few key ways you can use technology to help with the care:

• Set up auto-pay for recurring bills if they’re forgetful.
• Use refill services for prescriptions. 
• Explore remote monitoring tools for health or home safety.

While technology won’t replace the human touch, it will buy you some time and sanity if you live far away. You don’t want to be stuck driving back and forth every single weekend to pay bills and manage accounts. You also don’t want to have your parents fall behind on bills because they forgot to pay, which could add to the financial strain. 

Leverage Government & Community Resources

You want to remember that you’re not alone when it comes to caring for elderly parents. Hall recommends checking out options such as local senior aid programs, Medicaid eligibility, low-income utility assistance or Meals on Wheels. These services can help you save some money and provide assistance when you’re not able to make it.

Collaborate with Siblings or Trusted Family

You’ll want to try to get your other siblings and relatives involved to divide the load when caring for parents who live far away. You can decide who will manage appointments, who is responsible for check-ins, and who will help cover the bills. The worst-case scenario is when one person carries the entire load because this can be financially and emotionally draining. 

Enlist Help

Simasko shared that you want to enlist some assistants who live close by. Asking for help is hard, but if a trusted neighbor can send you pictures of bills to be paid or investments about to come due, it will make life a lot easier in the long run. If you don’t have any siblings, you can build a community through trusted neighbors, church groups and other associations. 

Use Your Financial Planning Tools Creatively

According to an annual report from the FBI, older Americans lost almost $4.9 billion to fraud in 2024, with an average loss of $83,000. You want to ensure that your parents have the right financial tools and resources on their side, so they don’t fall victim to scams and their bills are covered. 

Hall suggested that if your parents have equity in a home, a HELOC or downsizing could be the logical next step. If they have retirement assets, consider consulting a professional to analyze their withdrawal strategy. You want to ensure that all financial tools are utilized so that you don’t spend your savings on trying to help your parents because you have to start thinking about your own retirement.

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