Is Your Relationship in the Red? 6 Financial Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
Written by
Laura Bogart
Edited by
Kristen Mae
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Ah, love. You’ve been struck by Cupid’s arrow and now, you can’t imagine life without your partner. Everything is sunshine and roses. Why bring the mundane matters of dollars and cents into your bliss?
If you want to turn the first flush of adoration into a lasting partnership, you’re going to have to. Connecting your life with someone else’s in a happily ever after means understanding how your paramour approaches money. You don’t want to be about to join together in holy matrimony, or even move in together, only to find that your beloved might love impulse spending as much as they love you.
Time to take off those rose-colored glasses so you can spot the financial red flags before your relationship veers from the tunnel of love straight into the pit of doom.
1. They Don’t Take Their Finances Seriously
When those ’90s bards TLC sang their famous anthem for the financially independent, “No Scrubs,” they made it clear what kind of guy they definitely didn’t want — the one hanging out of the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, living with his momma. Those ladies were right. Regardless of gender, no one wants to be with a financial deadbeat.
If you’re noticing that your partner treats bill payments like suggestions instead of obligations, or doesn’t even know their credit score, they may not be someone you want to yoke your life (and your finances) to. If they put their fingers in their ears when you ask about their plan to pay back credit card debt, it might be time to make like TLC and keep on walking.
2. They Never Met a Purchase They Couldn’t Charge
Speaking of credit cards, another factor to consider is whether you and your partner are aligned on how to use them. You know that a credit card isn’t “free money,” and you pay your statement in full every month. Even then, you’re strategic about what you charge.
Your partner, however, charges everything, from appliances to groceries, dinners out to even sticks of gum. This would be fine if they paid it back every month, but sadly, they play whack-a-mole with their payments, covering some bills while ignoring others. Sharing a credit card with them could set you up to get boinked on the head with massive debt.
3. They Shame You for Your Own Financial Past
When the team at The Joint Account compiled their list of financial red flags to avoid in a partner, they warned readers to avoid partners who were overly judgmental or cruel about your financial history.
Does your partner make snide remarks about your spending after you confided in them about working hard to get out of debt you accrued as a twentysomething when you were still learning how credit works? Do they get frustrated when you skip a splurge at that hot new restaurant because you’re prioritizing your student loan payment?
People who shame you for financial challenges you’re actively overcoming aren’t looking out for you — they’re looking to make themselves feel superior. As The Joint Account put it, once your partner erodes your confidence and your trust, the relationship may not be worth saving:
“When you keep harping on the things your spouse has done wrong, especially when you’ve already financially recovered from them, that message serves no purpose other than to erode your partner’s confidence. It makes them believe they’ve got no business having a say in your household finances.”
4. They Don’t Have the Same Financial Goals
Financial goals are often life goals with dollar signs attached. If owning a home is important to you, you’re going to prioritize saving for that down payment and closing costs — even if it means you have to forgo other experiences, like travel.
If your partner, on the other hand, would rather go whale-watching than save for a home, they’re probably more likely to focus on their yearly excursion — even if it means they may be renting in perpetuity. Different life priorities can mean different financial priorities, which can cause friction in a relationship. That’s why it’s essential to ensure you’re aligned on big-picture money goals.
5. They Lie to You
Lying to your partner is never a great sign, but lying about money can leave you with a broken credit score along with a broken heart. The Joint Account defines financial infidelity as: (a) making a financial decision you know your partner would disapprove of, and (b) covering it up.
This definition doesn’t always assume malice. Sometimes it’s just easier to charge something, and even easier to forget about it until the statement comes. Perhaps you panic about an impulse purchase and hide the bill. But is that really how you want to live? And would you feel comfortable if your partner did the same to you?
“Lying is a slippery slope. We convince ourselves certain conduct is acceptable, then we get more comfortable, and we go deeper and deeper,” wrote Heather and Douglas Boneparth, voices behind The Joint Account. “Our standards dive lower and lower. Not everyone who lies is a bad person. Some just got in too deep.”
6. They Don’t Include You in Major Purchases
Who wants to come home and find a new $3,000 fridge in the kitchen and thousands of dollars missing from the joint account?
A partner who makes massive purchases with your shared money but without your input is no real partner at all. Financial transparency is key in any long-term relationship, and if they’re spending joint money without consulting you, it might be time to rethink your future together.
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