Bacon. It’s everywhere. In your breakfast, on top of your donut, in your dinner cocktail — maybe even in bed with your wife at this very moment. But this bacon phenomenon needs to be appreciated from the source: The pig.
National Pig Day is March 1 and what better way to celebrate than to enjoy all things bacon? Here are the craziest bacon-scented, bacon-themed and bacon-like items you never knew existed — but will be happy they do. Mostly.
3. Bacon Bandages: $9.99
They say putting cold meat on a boo-boo can help. These bacon bandaids are cut to look like real strips of bacon. You’re not fooling anyone, though, but, hey, the container comes with a “free prize.” We hope it’s bacon.
4. Bacon Wallet: $14.99
This wallet gives the saying “bringing home the bacon” a wholly new and literal meaning. If you fancy carrying your cash around in what looks like a wad of bacon, this is for you. It’s not even real leather, though. Just faux leather — and faux bacon.
5. Bacon Chapstick: $7.99
Watch out, Lip Smacker. Sizzling, greasy bacon is sure to lubricate your dry lips. Well, probably not, but this bacon-flavored chapstick is the next best thing. Just be sure not to eat your lips: They’re not actually bacon, they just smell like bacon.
6. Bacon Mints: $6.99
Uncle Oinker’s Bacon Mints will allow you to enjoy the taste of bacon and freshen your breath simultaneously. Minty bacon is one flavor you just have to try for yourself. No, seriously, you first.
7. Bacon Air Freshener: $9.99
Waking up to the smell of bacon sizzling on the stove is probably one of your favorite ways to wake up in the morning. But who has time for that? Just hang this air freshener over your rearview mirror and enjoy that same moment on your morning commute.
8. Bacon Soap: $9.99
For the bacon lover who wants to smell like bacon all over, all the time: bacon soap. Use it in the shower or set it out for guests as a hand soap — or a prank on your vegetarian roommate who might very well hate you forever.
9. Bacon Frosting: $8.99
This bacon-flavored item screams prank. Simply frost the next birthday cake you make with this red, smoky-flavored frosting, and see the look of shock and disgust — ahem, delight — on the birthday boy or girl’s face.
10. Bacon Tie: $25
Be a bacon gentleman and dress up any suit with a bacon tie. Because: bacon.
11. Bacon Lube: $14.99
This wouldn’t be a list of awesome bacon items without the addition of bacon lubricant. Wet Boink ‘n Oink Bacon Lube — yes, that’s really the name — not only smells like bacon, it tastes like bacon, too. Enough said.
12. Bacon Salt: $8.99
Now, you can bacon flavor all the things with J&D’s Original Bacon Salt. You can make your pancakes bacon, make your salad bacon, make your veggies bacon — even make your bacon more bacon. This bacon salt is even kosher and vegetarian.
13. Bacon Candy: Various
This one might not seem so crazy. After all, you’ve already seen bacon mints. But bacon candy is out of control: bacon candy canes, bacon gummies, bacon jelly beans, bacon salt water taffy, bacon lollipops — bacon candy for as far as the eye can see.
14. Bacon Soda: $2.99
No, we didn’t mean baking soda. Wash down that bacon candy with another sugary bacon treat: Lester’s Fixins Bacon Soda. So, if you won’t settle for your food and candy tasting like bacon, here’s another way to get it in liquid form.
15. Bacon Popcorn: $9.99
J&D’s Cheddar Bacon Pop is a bacon-y snack delight. This microwave popcorn will add some much needed bacon to any movie night.
16. Chocolate Covered Bacon: $18.98
Any bacon connoisseur would be delighted to indulge in this specialty by Marini’s Candies: chocolate-covered bacon. Marini’s even offers an ice cream that includes pieces of their delectable chocolate covered bacon. Now, if only they’d work on making bacon covered chocolate.
17. Bacon Donuts: Various
Although the most well-known bacon donut is the maple bacon donut, let’s face it: You can put bacon on any donut and it immediately becomes delicious.
18. Bacon Vodka: $29.99
Bakon Vodka is a thing, and it’s perfect for your next bloody mary and all other savory cocktails. You just have to ask for it at your local bar or stop by your local BevMo and pick up a bottle.
19. Bacon Cocktails: Various
Even if you don’t use Bakon Vodka, you can still enjoy a delicious bacon cocktail. Try this bacon and egg martini on for size by shaking all ingredients together, then adding ice and garnishing with a piece of bacon:
- 1.5 ounces Jack Daniels infused with bacon
- 1 egg white
- 0.8 oz.maple syrup
- 0.5 oz. lemon juice
- Dash of bitters
20. Bacon Roses: $8 Each
What better way to say “I love you” than a bouquet of bacon roses? OK, there might be a few better ways, but this one is still pretty amazing. You can buy a single bacon rose or roses by the dozen. And, yes, they are edible. At least they won’t just wilt and die; you can eat them for breakfast before they do that.
21. Bacon Hot Sauce: $5.99
For the spicy bacon-lover, add some bacon hot sauce to the mix. Just add this to your food along with the bacon salt and your food will never have to be bacon-less again.
22. Original Bacon Spread: $12.99
Skillet’s Original Bacon Spread is a mixture of balsamic, brown sugar and, yes, real bacon. Spread this bacon-y goodness on your burgers, french toast or even a grilled cheese.
23. Bacon Toothpicks: $6.99
This is another way to enjoy bacon, even if you can’t have bacon. Plus, they come in an adorable collectible tin that will no doubt intrigue your dinner guests.
24. Bacon Ornaments: $9.99
You can even fill your holidays with bacon with some bacon ornaments for some Christmas decor — as long as the dog doesn’t think it’s real and chew up your Christmas tree.
25. Bacon Oreos: $14.99
Six words: Bacon. Dark chocolate. Double-stuffed. Oreos. Boom.
26. Squeezable Bacon: $7.99
ThinkGeek masters all sorts of zany merchandise, but they’ve outdone themselves with Squeez Bacon. If you can’t buy real bacon, or are all out, just whip this stuff out of the pantry and you’re ready to go. That’s right — it doesn’t even need to be refrigerated. They also say it’s 100 percent edible bacon — but it looks questionable.
27. Bacon Socks: $12
Display your love for bacon right on your feet with some sizzling bacon socks. These trendy knee highs will keep you warm, too — just like bacon on the stove top.
28. Books on Bacon: $9.99
You’ve made it this far. Surely you must read up on all the ways to incorporate bacon into your life. Why else are you here? Even if you’ve already read “101 Things to Do with Bacon,” Eliza Cross’ follow-up, “101 More Things to Do with Bacon,” will be available for purchase Sept. 6. So, you can pre-order a copy on Bacon Day and get ready to make even more bacon things.
29. Bacon Wrapping Paper: $8.99
Now that we’re sure you’ve purchased multiple bacon gifts, what better thing to wrap them in than — more bacon?
30. Bacon Tape: $7.99
Don’t worry. We know you need some tape for that bacon gift wrap, and we’ve got you covered with this bacon tape dispenser. And for good measure, one last time: Bacon.