Rachel Cruze: Watch Out for These 4 Money Red Flags When Dating
Written by
Nicole Symon
Edited by
Jenna Klaverweiden
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Couples often make major financial decisions together. Even if you don’t have joint finances (or plan to join your finances in the future), your partner’s approach to money can still affect your relationship, and vice versa. It’s important to know that you’re both on the same page.
Of course, it isn’t always easy to figure that out, especially early in a relationship. Being aware of red flags that indicate a potential problem can help.
In a recent YouTube video, money expert Rachel Cruze listed four money-related red flags to keep an eye out for when you’re dating. If you notice any of these red flags, it’s worth digging deeper and asking yourself whether you’re really compatible with that person over the long term.
Avoiding the Topic of Money at All Costs
The first red flag Cruze mentioned is if your partner avoids talking about money entirely. There are lots of reasons someone might not want to discuss their finances, such as embarrassment, shame or an individualized approach to money, but as Cruze pointed out, those factors can all be damaging in a relationship.
You’d hope that your partner, especially as your relationship becomes more serious and you start planning for the future, would be able to open up about difficult topics like finances. “If they just avoid talking about money, then that also means they’re probably going to avoid talking about other things in life,” Cruze said.
Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, told Time Magazine that couples should begin talking about money when they start to have conversations about children, where they want to live and other topics focused on the future.
Try to gently bring up the topic of money without any judgment, even with a question as general as, “What’s your approach to your finances?” If the person you’re dating continually shuts down any talks about money, no matter how you approach the conversation, that’s a glaring red flag.
Extreme Money Habits or Beliefs
Everyone’s approach to money is different, so it’s hard to say what’s “normal” and what isn’t. However, if your partner’s financial habits seem extreme to you, that’s worth discussing, and it may be a red flag.
According to Cruze, people broadly fall into two categories when it comes to money: spenders and savers. Someone who spends everything they earn, and possibly even more, would fall on the extreme-spender end of the spectrum. On the other hand, someone who compulsively saves as much of their income as possible would be considered an extreme saver.
Cruze identified both of these extremes as possible red flags in a relationship. If the person you’re dating is an extreme spender in a way that concerns you, ask them what’s behind their spending. Maybe there are adjustments they could make to help them save more with your support. And if your partner is an extreme saver, you can ask what’s motivating them to save that way and what their long-term financial goals are.
These financial conversations may not yield the answers you want, so be prepared to reconsider the relationship if you can’t reach a point of financial compatibility. According to Kiplinger, walking away from a relationship if your money differences can’t be solved can help you protect yourself and your future.
No Spirit of Generosity
A lot of personal finance advice centers on eliminating your debt and building as much wealth as possible. However, don’t let that skew your perspective when you’re evaluating your financial compatibility with someone you’re dating. Cruze argued that having no spirit of generosity at all is a financial red flag.
That doesn’t mean you should expect the person you’re dating to randomly give their money or possessions away, though. Cruze gave the examples of tipping your waiter well or helping out a friend who’s moving. Generosity shows that your partner values other people in a way that will serve you both well over the life of your relationship. If someone is never willing to share any of their money or time, they probably won’t make a good long-term partner.
Financial Values That Don’t Align
There’s no single “correct” approach to money. Two people can both succeed financially while handling their money very differently. In a relationship, though, being on the same page will save you a lot of stress and frustration. That’s why Cruze’s last financial red flag for relationships is when your values don’t align.
For example, if it’s important for you to live a debt-free life and your partner doesn’t share that value, that misalignment is likely to lead to butting heads. Talk about your plans for retirement, traveling, investing and saving to make sure both you and your partner agree on how to approach these major elements of your financial lives. If not, there are ways you can try to get on the same page. According to Kiplinger, a therapist or counselor can help couples resolve their money differences in some situations.
It’s better to find out early on if your values around money clash. That way, you can make an informed decision about whether it’s worth continuing that relationship.
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