3 Tips To Prevent Finances From Ruining Your Relationship
Written by
Cindy Lamothe
Edited by
Rebekah Evans
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Healthy money discussions should be a part of every relationship. The key word here being “healthy.” When talks over finances become nightly fights — then you have a problem.
“Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship and when it comes to sharing your life — and money — with someone, financial communication is crucial,” said Julie Beckham, financial education officer at Rockland Trust.
“Though it can be challenging and not that fun, it’s critical to get on the same page for your and your partner’s financial and often emotional, health,” she explained. “Think of having the difficult — and yes, awkward — conversation now as saving you mounds of stress in the future when you’re looking to retire and realize your partner hasn’t been saving properly or is carrying more debt than you assumed.”
Below are some tips experts recommend to prevent finances from ruining your relationship.
Replace Blame With Curiosity
“I have helped many clients deal with the fallout from financial disputes,” said Julia Rueschemeyer, attorney and owner of Amherst Divorce. “Replac[ing] blame with curiosity” is a revolutionary strategy she said can rescue the relationship and the budget, even though financial difficulties might be destructive.
“Why did you spend so much on that?” is a common accusatory pattern that comes up when financial tension arises.
She said instead, asking, “What was important about that purchase to you?” or, “How do you think we can work together to solve this?” will help you rethink the situation with interest.
“I remember advising a couple who had trouble balancing one partner’s inflexible savings ethic with the other’s penchant for impulsive purchases,” Rueschemeyer explained. “They learned that the saver desired security while the spender valued experiences as a way to decompress by changing the focus of the conversation from judgment to understanding.”
She said that together, they created a “guilt-free fund” for budget-friendly stress-relieving indulgences.
“Financial harmony is not about perfection; it is about partnership. Curiosity makes you more empathetic and empathetic relationships are stronger than any financial obstacle,” Rueschemeyer added.
Set Up a Joint Account for Shared Expenses
“While the path to becoming a financial dynamic duo starts with good communication, this is just the stepping stone of how to ensure financial synchronicity between you and your partner,” Beckham said.
Once you have gotten on the same page and have set expectations and guidelines for your financial communication strategy as a couple, she said you can take other steps such as creating joint accounts where it makes the most sense for you and your partner.
“While setting up a joint account for shared expenses such as a mortgage might work best for you as a couple, it’s important to maintain an individual account, providing each partner with more freedom and accountability,” she added.
Set Ground Rules
Beckham noted that with joint accounts, it’s also important to set ground rules.
“Establish listing rules around when and how much, money can be deposited or withdrawn or when a new charge can be made on a credit card,” she said. “You can ensure that bills will still be paid on time and both partners will have the funds they need for day-to-day activities.”
While taking these steps can be daunting, Beckham said the good news is that you will be in a much better place for financial success as a couple once you do.
“As we all know, life can take unexpected turns. Inevitably, we all run into financial surprises, from things we can’t control like medical bills to car home repairs,” she added. “The key to financial bliss for couples is to have open lines of communication and a backup plan when things go wrong. Doing the work now will pay off tremendously in the long run.”
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