How To Remove Stress From Money Conversations, According to Ramit Sethi
Written by
Gabrielle Olya
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Gary Dudak
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Talking about money with friends, family or a partner can be nerve-racking, but having those uncomfortable conversations is better than simply avoiding the topic. Fortunately, these conversations don’t need to be stressful.
In a recent newsletter, money expert Ramit Sethi shared his tips for making money conversations stress-free, particularly when it comes to talking with your partner.
“Talking about money with your partner might sound painful, but I promise you it doesn’t have to be awkward,” he wrote. “As corny as it sounds, it can actually bring you closer together. The secret is to head in with the right attitude.”
Here are his tips below, and you can also check out Sethi’s “brutally honest” money advice here.
Be Honest
The idiom “honesty is the best policy” holds true when it comes to discussing money.
“It’s important to be open and truthful about money when talking with your partner,” Sethi wrote. “Hiding your money or being untruthful about it can be a huge source of conflict in your relationship.”
Be Upfront About Your Salary
Talking about how much money you make is not a first date conversation, but when you are at the point where you are figuring out how to create a long-term future, it’s information you should share.
“Begin the conversation with your income,” Sethi wrote. “By knowing each other’s income, you can decide how to use that money together.”
Be Open About Your Debt
Many people enter relationships with personal debt, whether that be credit card debt, student loans or a car loan.
“Discuss debt and expenses,” Sethi wrote. “Give an overview of all the debts you both have and make a plan for what to do next.”
Untangle Your Beliefs About Money
Both you and your partner will enter the relationship with your own beliefs about money. One might have a scarcity mindset and save every penny, while the other might be an overspender. Even if you fall somewhere in the middle, it’s important to understand your unique values.
“Don’t forget about invisible scripts,” Sethi wrote. “We all grew up with beliefs about money that can influence us (either positively or negatively). To get on the same page with your partner, spend some time evaluating your unconscious thoughts about money.”
Talk About the Fun Aspects of Money
Money conversations don’t all have to be so serious. For example, you could discuss saving together for your dream vacation.
“Decide when you’re going to take your next vacation — and have FUN talking about where you’re going to go, which hotel you’re going to stay at and what you want to eat,” Sethi wrote.
Other “fun” topics Sethi suggests are what your dream home looks like and what charities you want to donate to.
More Tips for Discussing Money With Your Partner
To get the conversation going, you may want to plan out certain questions you want to ask. Some ideas include:
- What money habits did you learn from your parents?
- What motivates your financial decisions?
- What’s one money habit that you admire about me?
- Is there anything about your financial situation or debts that is important for me to know about?
- Do you expect to support your parents or other loved ones in the future?
The biggest mistake you can make is not discussing money at all.
“Discuss finances in a relationship as soon as you believe your finances will become intertwined,” said Shelly-Ann Eweka, CFP, senior director of financial planning strategy at TIAA. “The person you are in a relationship with will impact how and when you reach your financial goals. In fact, your financial goals may change because of the relationship.”
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