‘Moms Can’t Win’: Dave Ramsey Slams Guilt Culture and the Cost of Working vs. Staying Home

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When someone dials into Dave Ramsey’s show seeking financial wisdom, they better be prepared for some tough love. Ramsey is known for delivering blunt advice with a sharp tongue as he calls out bad habits and boneheaded money moves. However, when one young woman called Ramsey’s show, she ended up speaking with a more sympathetic Ramsey. 

She wanted to become a stay-at-home mother to her young child, much to the consternation of her husband, who worried she’d never return to the workforce. After some probing, Ramsey discovered that her husband made a staggering $975,000 per year as an investment advisor — more than enough to support the caller in caring for her kids full time. 

The only tough love Ramsey had was for the caller’s husband, for buying into notions that only work outside the home is financially or socially valid. 

“Moms can’t win, because if they work, they’re guilty, and if they don’t work, they’re guilty,” Ramsey exclaimed. “Guilt is built into the whole program or something.”

That “whole program or something” refers to the delicate balance many families are forced to navigate when deciding if it’s financially feasible for one partner to stay home with the kids.

The Daycare Drain 

Of course, on a $975,000 salary, daycare costs aren’t a concern unless you’re hiring Mary Poppins herself to come care for your kids. But for Americans earning more traditional salaries, child care can take a major bite out of their finances. According to Trusted Care, “the average cost of child care is $400 to $1,500 per month or $100 to $350 per week for center-based daycare programs.” 

What does that mean for a family’s finances? Let’s say a family enrolls their kid in a high-quality daycare with tuition of $1,500 a month. Now, let’s say the parent who wants to stay home makes $50,000 a year. They can expect to spend about $18,000 annually on daycare — roughly 36% of their income. That’s a significant financial burden, especially when combined with other work-related expenses like work attire, commuting costs, and meals out. 

It raises the question of whether staying home might be the more financially sound choice, especially when a parent could be losing so much income to pay someone else to do what they so deeply want to do. As Ramsey told his caller, being a parent is “a high dignity position … a high calling.” 

Unexpected Household Expenses 

In the debate over the financial viability of becoming a stay-at-home parent, much of the focus is on the loss of salary — not just in terms of income but also potential future salary increases. There’s also the cost of losing employer-sponsored health care, which could mean switching to a partner’s plan and driving up premiums. 

But being a stay-at-home parent also comes with hidden costs. Being at home more can drive up utility bills, and grocery costs may spike since those juice boxes don’t magically appear in the fridge. As a stay-at-home parent, you may also incur expenses related to child enrichment, such as homeschooling or early learning materials, or educational toys and supplies. Keeping the kiddos occupied might also entail purchasing memberships at local museums or subscribing to movie passes. 

While Ramsey is certainly not wrong in saying that being a stay-at-home parent “has worth equivalent to anything you could do in the workplace,” parents must also maintain their own peace of mind. Keeping both you and your kids engaged often requires spending money — and those costs add up.

Balancing Passions and Priorities 

Sometimes, the choice to stay at home is easy — like when you’re enjoying a $975,000 annual income. But for most families, having one partner stay home requires some serious financial Jenga, not to mention the other trade-offs. 

Ramsey pointed out that moms face real social stigma when they elect to stay home. It can be tough for women to re-enter the workforce once their kids are in school, since parenting experience isn’t always recognized as valuable in the workplace. For those looking to climb the career ladder or save for early retirement, time away from in-office work could present a setback. 

At the end of the day, there’s no universal right answer — only what works best for you and your family. 

“If you want to be outside of the home and have a career, and that’s your aspiration, then no shame in that either,” said Ramsey. “But this idea that full-time motherhood is somehow to be shamed or to be looked down upon is absolute BS.” 

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