Dave Ramsey’s Advice on Managing Constant Money Requests From Family: ‘Enablers Are Not Helpers’
Written by
Catherine Collins
Edited by
Joe Evans
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The Dave Ramsey Show is one of the most popular business and personal finance radio shows. The Ramsey team also takes excerpts from the show to create YouTube videos. Recently, The Ramsey Show published a highlight video titled, “My Mom Keeps Asking Me for Money!” In the show, a young, 28-year-old man named Tyler calls in and asks for money advice related to his mother.
Tyler’s mother has a history of money issues, including tax issues, and is asking Tyler to pay her mortgage. Tyler wants to help his mother but doesn’t want to enable her. Currently, his mother isn’t working.
On the show, Dave Ramsey helps Tyler navigate this challenging, albeit common, situation. Here’s his advice.
Dave Ramsey’s Advice
Dave Ramsey is big on self-sufficiency, so it’s no surprise he told Tyler that it wasn’t his job to support his mother financially. Tyler mentioned that his mother hasn’t made any big strides to make long-term changes, despite his encouragement.
Tyler wants his mother to think about her finances long-term. He’s told her that he’s concerned about her future mortgage payments, but she isn’t receptive to that. He doesn’t want to give her money for a temporary fix; rather, Tyler wants to help his mother handle money more responsibly overall.
Ramsey said that setting boundaries is going to be very important for Tyler. After all, in this situation, his mother still has the ability to work and improve her finances.
Tyler has to set boundaries in order to avoid being taken advantage of. Even though Tyler makes good money at a young age, Ramsey said it’s important to avoid enabling her. Instead, he says to keep encouraging his mother to be self-sufficient, like helping her to find a job.
Setting Boundaries
Tyler’s situation isn’t uncommon. Many struggle with setting boundaries with money, especially with close family members or friends.
The most difficult aspect is that many people feel guilty doing it. Most people want to be helpful to their loved ones, but loaning money repeatedly doesn’t help if it’s enabling bad behavior.
The other challenging part about boundaries is sticking to them. Friends and family often recruit others to elicit support and pressure you to help after you’ve already said no. Standing firm in your decisions and keeping an open conversation is another way to tell your loved ones that you care, but you’re standing firm in your decisions.
Other Ways to Help
There are many ways you can help provide resources, time and advice without also having to provide cash. In Tyler’s case, Ramsey suggested helping his mother find a job and encourage her to build her own financial muscles. Ramsey also recommends different books that Tyler’s mother can read in order to jump start her money journey.
Additionally, offering to help someone set up a budget and stick to it is another way that you can support someone’s journey without directly loaning them money. There are many budgeting apps that could help people like Tyler’s mom learn how to track their spending, organize their money, and meet financial goals.
Honesty is the Best Policy
Again, these conversations aren’t easy, especially when it involves people close to us. But, honesty is the best policy, especially if you don’t want to loan money to someone to pay bills or be someone’s emergency escape plan. Rather than making excuses (like you have large expenses coming up or you’re paying something off,) be honest and transparent so you can set expectations for the future.
When setting expectations with a loved one who’s relied on you for financial help, you clearly outline the type of support you’re willing to provide. Again, this might include introducing them to people, helping them with a job search or being their budget-setting accountability partner.
Keep in mind that you might get bad reactions, especially if someone is used to your financial support. However, stay strong and remember that you’re offering to help in different ways.
Final Thoughts
Having money conversations with family members is incredibly challenging. When it’s your own parent, it’s even more difficult. Ramsey’s main point is that if we’re enabling people, then we’re not truly helping them.
The best way to help people, Ramsey explains, is encouraging them to stand on their own, develop their own financial habits and in this case, work to pay bills.
Additionally, if loaning family members money harms your relationship with them, then sending boundaries helps you maintain important relationships.
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