Why Your Frugal Habits Are Causing Anxiety — and How You Save Better Now
Written by
Paige Cerulli
Edited by
Zuri Anderson
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Frugal habits are powerful and can help you save money and boost your financial stability, but it’s also common to experience a degree of anxiety related to saving.
Also called saver’s guilt or saver’s remorse, this emotional struggle with savings can become a significant issue that can impact your life. Fortunately, there are ways to manage your emotions, prioritize saving and also, on occasion, spend your money guilt-free.
Understanding Saver’s Guilt
According to Nathan Astle, MFT, a financial therapist at Beyond Finance, saver’s guilt occurs when you have regret about saving money. That guilt often arises in response to the loss of an experience you could have had if you had spent the money.
“Many people know what buyer’s remorse feels like,” Astle explained. “Saver’s remorse operates similarly where we regret not spending the money on things that may have brought joy or meaning.”
Astle added that some people can really struggle with spending money because of fears of not having enough money, ethical questions around the purpose of spending money on something and even self-esteem difficulties founded on whether they “deserve” to spend money on things that would benefit them.
Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC and founder at Phoenix Men’s Counseling, explained that individuals may experience guilt for many reasons, including if they don’t spend the money they’ve saved on others, like family members.
“It is not being used in a way that is more aligned with your authentic self,” he said.
Signs of Saver’s Guilt
There are many signs of saver’s guilt. According to Fierstein, individuals experiencing saver’s guilt might appear to be very frugal. They might be obsessively looking for sales or cutting coupons, and their actions could be interfering with more healthy habits or even causing them not to meet others’ financial needs.
Sometimes, individuals might deprave themselves by not going on vacations or purchasing things to care for themselves. Astle explained that saver’s guilt can show up in the form of regret for saving money.
“It is often seen in people who have financial trauma histories, self-esteem difficulties or with very strong feelings of how consumption should be,” he said.
How To Address Saver’s Guilt
To address saver’s guilt, Astle suggested starting with trying to understand why you struggle with over-saving. Try asking yourself questions like, “What does it say about me if I save or spend on this thing?” and “What message am I internalizing about myself with this financial decision?”
Fierstein recommended exploring what the emotions behind the guilt might be. For example, does the guilt arise from early childhood? Is the guilt similar to how a parent dealt with their money? Are you seeing this behavior and replicating it?
As you start exploring your guilt, it’s important not to beat yourself up over it, Fierstein noted.
“Guilt is related to shame, and people have a tendency to activate their negative self-critic,” he said. “I’d avoid that. Try to be compassionate with yourself.”
It can also be important to expose yourself by putting yourself in situations where spending money is uncomfortable, Astle added. In these situations, push yourself to spend money on things that don’t necessarily align with your value system.
“Savings are a wonderful thing to care about,” he said. “Are there other things that are worth putting money and energy into?”
While addressing saver’s guilt is important, Astle highlighted the importance of avoiding “pendulum swinging” when doing so.
“We don’t want to go from, ‘I need to overthink every spending decision’ to, ‘I don’t put any thought into my spending decisions,'” he explained. He recommended individuals consider meeting with a financial therapist who can help direct interventions that address the core cause of the behavior.
Rethinking Your Relationship with Money
Fierstein explained that the vast majority of people have a dysfunctional relationship with money.
“We are not raised in a society that values saving,” he said. “We’re in a very consumeristic mode — spend what you have and go into debt.”
Saver’s guilt can be a more positive alternative to other dysfunctional financial behaviors, like gambling, but with some time and some professional support, you can improve your relationship with money and reduce the stress that comes with spending.
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