How Many People Are Hiding Significant Purchases or Debt From Their Spouse?

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Money is one of the most common sources of tension in relationships because it often triggers negative emotions related to respect, control and self-worth. According to Fidelity Investments’ 2024 Couples & Money study, nearly 25% of couples identify money as their greatest relationship challenge. 

So it isn’t surprising that 28% of Americans admit to hiding significant purchases or debt from their spouse or partner, according to a recent survey by Western & Southern Financial Group. This finding shows just how difficult it still is for many couples to have honest conversations about money.

What the Survey Found

The survey by Western & Southern Financial Group looked at how and when couples talk about finances, especially in the context of long-term commitments like marriage. Not only did 28% say they’ve hidden big financial decisions from their partners, but the survey also found that 40% of married Americans consider financial dishonesty a dealbreaker in a relationship.

Women were more likely than men to say they’d leave a relationship over financial secrets (42% of women versus 36% of men). And though many believe in waiting until a relationship becomes more serious to talk about money, the data suggests that putting off these conversations may cause more harm than good.

The survey also found that nearly 1 in 4 people didn’t talk about debt until after they were married. This could cause major friction if one partner has significant financial baggage.

Why Some Couples Hide Money Issues

Hiding financial information, whether it’s secret credit card debt or a splurge your partner didn’t know about, is a form of “financial infidelity.” Like emotional or physical infidelity, it often stems from fear, shame or a desire to avoid confrontation.

Here are some common reasons people hide purchases or debt:

• Fear of judgment: Many people worry that their partner will be disappointed or mad at their financial habits and mistakes.
• Avoiding conflict: Money is one of the most emotionally charged topics in a relationship, and some people would rather keep secrets than spark an argument.
• Maintaining control: In some relationships, one partner may feel the need to keep part of their financial life private, especially if there’s an imbalance in financial power.
• Shame: Guilt over past spending or financial mistakes can lead someone to hide the truth, even if their partner would be supportive.

But as understandable as these motivations may be, secrecy around money can lead to resentment, broken trust and long-term relationship issues.

What To Do Instead

It’s never too late to build financial transparency in your relationship. Here’s how to get started.

Schedule Regular Money Check-Ins

If you haven’t already, set up a weekly or monthly check-in where you and your partner review spending, upcoming expenses and shared financial goals. Keeping it routine helps remove the emotional weight and turns money conversations into a normal part of your life together.

Start With Small Disclosures

If you’ve been hiding debt or spending habits, coming clean about everything at once might feel too overwhelming. Instead, you could start by being honest about one recent purchase or a small area of debt. You can then gradually share more once you become comfortable discussing finances with your partner. 

Create a Judgment-Free Zone

Making your partner feel ashamed of their financial past will only make them less willing to open up. So try to set a tone of mutual understanding and curiosity instead of criticism. Ask questions, listen actively, and try to understand your partner’s financial background and emotional triggers.

Use ‘Ours, Mine and Yours’ Accounts

Some couples find that having a mix of shared and individual accounts gives them the freedom to spend independently without secrecy. You can agree on how much goes into each account every month and what the joint funds cover while still maintaining some sort of autonomy.

Get Professional Help If Needed

If the topic is too sensitive or has already caused friction, you might want to see a financial therapist or couples counselor. A third party can help facilitate difficult conversations and guide you both toward healthier habits and expectations.

Why This Matters

If you and your partner aren’t on the same page financially, it can create cracks in the foundation of your relationship. And that damage caused by financial infidelity can take years to repair.

But if you make the effort to build financial intimacy, it can actually bring you closer. According to research from the Indiana University Kelley School of Business, married couples who manage their finances together may love each other longer. And according to the Western & Southern Financial Group survey, married couples with joint savings accounts report the highest marital satisfaction (94%) compared with those who have only personal accounts (82%).

If you’ve been keeping financial secrets from your partner, consider this your sign to slowly open up. It might feel easier in the moment to hide a shopping spree or keep a lingering credit card balance to yourself. But in the long run, honesty will always be less expensive than broken trust. 

Sources

• Fidelity Investments, “2024 Couples & Money Study.”
• Western & Southern Financial Group, “Money Talks Couples Can’t Afford to Skip.”
• News at IU, “Married couples who merge finances may be happier, stay together longer.”

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