7 Signs You’re Not Ready To Combine Your Finances After Marriage
Written by
Nicole Spector
Edited by
Molly Sullivan
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The decision to get married, perhaps only next to the decision of having a child, is the most important decision two people can make together. It’s not just the life commitment — you know, the whole through sickness and health and ’til death do us part stuff — it’s also the financial commitment. To marry someone, is, as they say, to marry all of them, and that includes their money situation and views.
It’s hardly romantic, but it’s crucial that you’re on the same financial page as your partner when you get married. It’s also important that you’re ready to combine your finances once you tie the knot.
GOBankingRates spoke with Abigail Wright, senior business advisor and financial expert at ChamberofCommerce.org, who walked us through seven key signs indicating you’re, alas, not ready to combine your finances once married.
Unclear or Unaligned Financial Goals
You may have a vision for your financial future. Does your spouse share that vision? It’s important to be aligned here.
“Couples who haven’t discussed or aligned on financial goals — such as homeownership, retirement or saving habits — may face challenges if they combine finances too soon,” Wright said. “Disagreements over spending priorities or savings goals can lead to frustration, so it’s important to have these conversations first.”
Unresolved Debt
A large amount of debt can devastate a life. When you’re married, it can devastate two lives.
“When one or both partners have significant debt without a clear plan to manage it, combining finances can complicate matters,” Wright said. “This can lead to feelings of resentment or unease, especially if one partner feels they’re assuming responsibility for the other’s debt.”
Before tying the knot, have an open discussion about the financial debts you carry. Agree on a realistic repayment plan you can execute together.
Different Spending Habits or Budgeting Styles
Does your spouse-to-be like to dine out often while you prefer the financial savings that comes with staying in and cooking? Or perhaps they live more frugally than you have in the past, opting, say, to take public transportation instead of filling up the car with gas? This may not seem like a big deal now, but it will be once you combine finances.
“Couples with contrasting approaches to spending — like one partner being a saver and the other a spender — may find that merging finances without a shared budgeting strategy leads to tension,” Wright said. “Learning to budget together without merging finances can reveal whether your styles are compatible or if adjustments are needed.”
Lack of Transparency
Transparency is everything in a relationship. It’s how you build and maintain trust. You must both practice financial transparency in a marriage.
“If one or both partners feel reluctant to disclose income, expenses or spending habits, this is a red flag,” Wright said. “Full transparency is crucial for successful financial merging; otherwise, secretive behavior can lead to mistrust and stress.”
Unaddressed Emotional Ties to Money
This is perhaps the most interesting one on this list: unaddressed emotional ties to money. Here’s how Wright explained it.
“Financial decisions are often influenced by our backgrounds and attitudes toward money,” Wright said. “If either partner has unresolved emotional issues around money — such as fear of scarcity or overspending as a coping mechanism — this can complicate a shared financial life. Working through these feelings first helps couples make rational, shared financial decisions.”
Discomfort With Joint Accounts or Shared Access
If the thought of having a joint bank account or sharing access to anything personal finance-related makes you shudder, you’re not ready to combine finances with your spouse and may want to really think about whether you’re in the right mindset for marriage.
“If one or both partners are uncomfortable with joint access to accounts, it may indicate a need for more trust building or boundary setting,” Wright said. “Exploring ways to share financial responsibility without fully merging accounts can allow each partner to retain a sense of independence.”
Limited Financial Literacy or Knowledge Gaps
It’s not your fault you grew up without financial literacy or a solid education in personal finance. But it is you — and your partner’s responsibility — to figure it all out as an adult. You need to be firmly on the same page.
“When one partner feels less knowledgeable about finances, it can lead to a power imbalance that affects the relationship,” Wright said. “Couples benefit from having a mutual understanding of basic financial concepts. Taking time to learn together about budgeting, savings and debt management can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment.”
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