9 Ways My Parents’ Money Problems Taught Me To Be Financially Savvy
Written by
Jordan Rosenfeld
Edited by
Molly Sullivan
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While most adults are ultimately responsible for their own finances, many people acquire bad habits and attitudes about money from their parents or family situations before they gain any financial literacy.
However, while these bad habits can cost you money and create problems, some people can take these issues as lessons to build good financial habits.
Charlotte S., a part-time student and mom from Georgia, grew up in a family where both her parents had what she described as “unhealthy” relationships with money. Here is what she learned when she became an adult and had to confront how these poor money habits had affected her.
She Looked Closely at Her Past
Charlotte’s parents engaged in a constant pull between saving and spending, she explained, in what she described as a “binge spending disorder.”
They would spend excessively on things that didn’t make sense to her, and then claim to not have money for basic things like gas needed to drive Charlotte to visit a nearby friend.
“It was very confusing,” she said.
She Recognized Generational Patterns
She can recognize that these bad habits were generational, however. She pointed out that her mother grew up middle class until about seventh grade when her father became a multimillionaire through business dealings.
“Everything changed in terms of how they spent money, viewed money: the vacations they took, the cars they drove, everything. So she had a warped perception on what is normal.”
Her father grew up in wealth, but his parents “smoked and drank” their money away, she said.
“So neither of them grew up understanding a healthy relationship with money. They both had a mindset of, if I have the money, we need to spend it before it’s gone.”
This left her parents spending lavishly on unnecessary things and then being unable to spend money on necessities and things for the kids. Charlotte even recalled her mother borrowing money from her that she had earned through jobs like babysitting and lifeguarding to pay the electric bill and other necessities.
She Sought Therapy
Charlotte reached adulthood with a relationship with money that was so stressful she couldn’t discuss money without having an emotional meltdown. This drove her to seek help from a therapist who specializes in “financial trauma.”
“She helped me pinpoint a lot of different behaviors I picked up from my parents and helped me understand that while a lot of my reactions were trauma reactions, I needed to work to undo these,” Charlotte said and recommended that anyone in a similar situation seek help.
She Learned To Talk About Money
With the therapist’s help, Charlotte was able to finally talk about money with her husband, which enabled him to pass along the financial literacy he came by much more easily. Her husband, who has lived many different kinds of financial lives, including being homeless at one point, and making six figures at another, has an attitude toward money she called “very calming and grounding to me.”
She Healed Her Relationship With Budgeting
In Charlotte’s childhood, she equated budgeting with punishment.
“My father made the idea of budgeting terrifying, because it was thrown around as a punishment or a moral failing, which it’s not supposed to be. It’s not a slap on the wrist — it’s supposed to help you keep track of your expenses.”
With her husband and therapist’s support, she was able to reframe budgeting as simply observing the inflow and outflow of your income and expenses.
She Stopped Overspending
Her parents’ careless attitudes toward overspending had rubbed off on Charlotte as a young adult. She spent money as soon as she had it, and often on things she did not need. Now, she doesn’t do this anymore.
“I’m not obsessed with the newest of new, with brand names. I don’t buy things to buy them. I don’t buy into a wardrobe refresh or home refresh, which are becoming popular again. I have clothes in my closet that are 15 years old and in good condition. If you like your things, what is the point of buying more?”
She Clips Coupons
Charlotte’s dad hated coupons, she said.
“He said they made you look poor. And my mom said clipping coupons took too much time. But if I can save a significant amount of money for things already on my list, you can bet I will.”
While she doesn’t use a coupon “just because,” if it can save her money on her current needs, she jumps right on it.
She Uses Money-Back Apps
Charlotte uses all the apps she can find that give points or cash back for regular spending. She has one gas discount app that links back to her bank and deposits money back into the app for buying gas at certain participating gas stations.
“Don’t be afraid to look into anything that can help you offset your expenses. It doesn’t mean you’re cheap,” she said.
She Saves For Big Expenses
Now, rather than letting herself be caught off guard and surprised by expenses, Charlotte makes sure to save for the things she knows are coming up, be that back-to-school supplies, Christmas gifts or just emergencies.
While you can’t undo the past, it’s possible to unlearn bad financial habits and turn your finances around.
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