Op-Ed: Enough With the Name Calling — Why ‘Tough Talk’ Finance Advice Doesn’t Help
Written by
Laura Bogart
Edited by
Kristen Mae
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Think back to the people who’ve inspired you most in life. Maybe it was a coach or a teacher who saw something in you that you didn’t know you had — someone who made you feel like you could take on the world and overcome any difficulty. Did they call you stupid? Did they make you feel dumb and small?
Of course they didn’t. They told you that you could learn from your mistakes, and that you had the power and potential to transform your life. Why on earth would you listen to someone who made you feel permanently doomed over a bad habit or insinuated that you were clueless, even hopeless, because you didn’t do things their way?
Yet that’s exactly what some people encounter when they follow certain financial gurus. These experts have built reputations from offering so-called tough talk that often veers into public shaming — not exactly a strong foundation for lasting, positive change.
‘Tough Talk’ Can Be Incomplete and Inaccurate
If you’re a Millennial, the word latte may give you an involuntary eye twitch. Remember being told that your enjoyment of lattes would inevitably bankrupt you? Suze Orman ranks high among the many, many experts we have to thank for that infamous soundbite, famously quipping: “If you buy a $5 coffee every day, that’s $150 a month, $1,800 a year … you’re peeing $1 million down the drain.”
Besides the, ahem, vivid imagery, this observation fails to account for the broader economic forces keeping people down financially. Laying the blame on minor expenses like coffee feels like a short-cut — one that avoids deeper discussions around systemic challenges impacting wealth disparity.
Student loan payments, housing costs, child care, and rising grocery prices (not just for coffee) all play a significant role in why everyone isn’t a millionaire. Orman’s hyperbolic warning is clearly meant to suggest that you must prune every small indulgence from your life or face financial catastrophe, which feels as oversimplified as it is punitive.
There’s No Room for Moderation
Punitive is the name of the game when it comes to much of Dave Ramsey’s advice, including his take that until you’re debt free, “you shouldn’t see the inside of a restaurant unless you’re working there.” This advice simply isn’t tenable for most people, considering that dining out, even at fast food chains or casual spots, is a common way to socialize, build relationships, and yes, even network professionally.
Refusing to step in a restaurant could mean missing out on a career opportunity — or meeting the love of your life.
Experts like Ramsey and Orman rarely offer sustainable, middle-path options for the average person who wants to stop for a coffee or grab a burrito without feeling like they’re dooming themselves to ruin.
In contrast, Tori Dunlap, the voice behind Her First 100k and a vocal critic of Ramsey, suggests limiting rather than completely cutting out indulgences like dining out. While you’re at it, she recommends finding ways to make your night out feel more meaningful. That advice feels far more attainable.
Presenting Poverty as a Moral Failing Doesn’t Help People Get Out of It
Ah, “Rich Dad, Poor Dad.” Anyone familiar with Robert Kiyosaki’s bestselling book knows which dad you’re supposed to emulate. Certainly not the hapless poor dad, who just isn’t as powerful or cool as the rich dad. Kiyosaki often portrays poverty as a mindset problem rooted in intellectual and moral ineptitude rather than a reflection of systemic and structural economic issues.
Take this quote: “There is a difference between being poor and being broke. Broke is temporary. Poor is eternal.” While it may sound Zen-like, it’s an empty platitude. In reality, most Americans are one accident, illness or layoff away from being wiped out financially. Making people feel like they’re failures with no way to climb out of the hole (“Poor is eternal”? Really?) doesn’t motivate people — it demoralizes them.
Contrast this moralizing with Tiffany Aliche, the Budgetnista, who encourages people to build financial momentum through small, achievable wins. “I always say, if you can make $20, you can make $200. If you can make $200, you can make $2,000. If you can make $2,000, you can make $200,000,” she said. It’s practically a financial affirmation — one that gives people a sense of power and agency over their situation.
Research Shows There’s Power in Positivity
There’s evidence to support that this positive approach is more effective at motivating people. According to a peer-reviewed publication at MentalHealth.com, “The practice of using empowering self-talk for personal benefit has been researched in scientific studies, and researchers suggest there are benefits associated with this practice.”
Among these benefits? Framing things more positively in your mind can literally rewire your brain, strengthening your sense of self and making you feel more competent and more capable of taking on the financial challenges that come your way.
Bottom Line
For far too long, a segment of personal finance advice has been too punitive and mean-spirited to really be useful to the people who need it most. Fortunately, people like Tori Dunlap, Tiffany Aliche, and Vivian Tu of Your Rich BFF are changing the conversation. They’re working to create a more inclusive, affirming and realistic atmosphere for financial literacy — one where people are encouraged, not scolded, into making the best financial choices for their situation.
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