Elon Musk Unveils First Gas-Fueled Tesla — Prices Start at $75K
Written by
Caitlyn Moorhead
Edited by
Kristen Mae
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When you’re potentially the world’s first trillionaire, you don’t get bogged down in details such as not being able to afford a trip to Mars or even gas prices domestically on Earth. Maybe this is why Elon Musk is now teasing that he is launching a new Tesla model that is gas-fueled, claiming it’s not so much a pivot as it is a “disruptively backward regression.”
In a bold move that is leaving investors confused, there is no way around the fact that, though this design is philosophically opposed to the last 20 years of Tesla press releases, Musk unveiled this non-innovation during a super low-key livestream hosted on X and filmed entirely in what appeared to be a garage, hauntingly lit by a single ring light.
Rumored to be dubbed the Tesla Model G, the vehicle runs on premium gasoline only, so though its sticker price starts at $75,000, you’ll likely be spending upwards of $100,000 when you factor in what you’ll pay at the pump, let alone existential surcharges.
A Backward Step Down the Road Ahead
In true revolutionary fashion, preorders for the Model G open immediately, with deliveries expected sometime between late 2026 and the concept of eventually, so buckle up with anticipation. As Musk logged off the livestream without taking questions, one thing was clear: He isn’t looking for input.
When asked why Tesla would introduce a gas-powered vehicle after building its brand on electrification, Musk replied, “Innovation isn’t a straight line. It’s a circular argument.” According to Tesla, the car achieves:
- 0-60 mph in 6.8 seconds, depending on confidence
- Up to 410 miles per tank, assuming downhill driving, optimism and a gentle tailwind
- An engine sound, available as a premium subscription feature for a reasonable $30 per month
Features No One Asked For but You’ll Sure Pay For
If you like bells and whistles, these will be sure to leave you asking, “Why?” Yet, true to Tesla form, the Model G ships with a standard set of features that may or may not be activated at delivery, including:
- Autopilot: Still doesn’t work in school zones, roundabouts or life.
- Self-Filling Mode: The car will soon be able to drive itself to a gas station, forget why it’s there and return home.
- Over-the-Air Oil Changes: No oil is actually changed, but the car notifies you, and you feel better.
- Minimalist Interior: There are no buttons, no dials and no clear way to open the glove compartment. Everything is controlled through a single 17-inch touchscreen with a menu labeled “FU,” which is short for “fuel utilities.”
- Spare tire: Oddly, the car does not include this classic accoutrement, as spare tires are considered a legacy concept by Tesla.
Pricing That Defies the Physics of Your Wallet
If you really want to impress your friends at the next tech-bro happy hour, make sure to bring your receipt for both the Tesla you just purchased and what you paid to fill it up. A fully loaded version can exceed $120,000, at which point buyers receive a complimentary email from Musk thanking them for believing in the algorithm.
The base Model G does start at $75,000, but most buyers can expect to pay significantly more once they add essentials like $6,000 for door handles (or $1,500 for one if you just add it to the driver’s side), or $8,500 for the currently optional steering wheel.
All in all, this is a small price to pay for making an environmental impact that is at best conceptually neutral. In fact, Tesla assures its customers the Model G remains environmentally responsible, despite having turned off the comments on the model’s landing page on the company’s website within minutes. Tesla firmly stands by its claims that while the car burns gasoline, it does so mindfully.
Final Take To GO: Investors React With Controlled Panic
The bottom line is that thanks to this new launch, Tesla stock initially dipped, spiked, dipped again, and then stabilized as investors attempted to understand whether the announcement was real or part of a long-form joke. One analyst summarized the mood on Wall Street: “We don’t like it, but historically, betting against Elon Musk has been bad for our mental health.”
Maybe Tesla isn’t abandoning its mission after all; it’s just editing it one gallon at a time.
APRIL FOOLS! This article is entirely satirical and was published on April 1, 2026. Elon Musk and Tesla are not releasing a gas-fueled car, and all quotes and information in this piece are fictional.
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